like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
