put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
