I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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