i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
