Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is it penis luge time yet?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
