i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
PANTIES FOUND
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
