Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
