did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
