if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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