His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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