Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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