If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
