take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
