My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
