We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
