i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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