Screwed.edu
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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