I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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