u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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