Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
