I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
