I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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