i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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