you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
