update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
