if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize