I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize