I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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