need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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