I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
