i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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