beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
