3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize