oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
