Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
