Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
