Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
