My room smells like vodka and shame
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
