Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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