Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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