Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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