just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
