a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
