Dual....:-)
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Actions speak louder than pants.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
