dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
