I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize