she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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