She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
