I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
