He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
