he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
did i just pee glitter
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