Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
