Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
