I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We had sex on a dog bed..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
