On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
