i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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