my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
