I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dick very happy bro
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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