Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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