My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
