I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
