He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
