I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
