So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
