you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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