All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm both gender and math confused
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
