Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
