He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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