I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
