that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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