Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
