Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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