I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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